There may not be an “I” in T-E-A-M, but there is a “ME”
The clever saying that there is no “I” in team, is not helpful a team needs to address team dynamics. It seems that the party line “all for one and one for all”, creates a dilemma. Improvement starts with an individual’s commitment to change behavior. This requires personal insight and ownership.
Here is a common example from my client work. At a recent off-site retreat with a high performing team, each person wrestled with his or her role in the absence of much desired feedback.
A symptom of the wrestling match was a lack of the use of the word “I.”
For example: “When there is tension in the team, you can feel it and you want the person to address the issue directly. You know it would help clear the air.” When I explored this position by asking who the “you” was, it was clear that it was the person speaking. I asked her to make the statement again and switch out “you” and put in “I.” The change was powerful. We then explored options that the person could take in this situation. Using “I” revealed that she had several options that were disembodied with the more distant use of “you” in her original statement.
In a similar manner, team members expressed observations of the team dynamic using “we.” For example: “We don’t want to tell someone what is bothering us. You know, we don’t want them to think we don’t like them. We do like them.” I asked the same questions and had the person repeat the statement using “I” in place of “we.” Ah ha! What a difference!
Throughout that meeting I noticed how using “you” or “we” created a huge gap in any individual’s sense of ownership or ability to make change happen. It became funny as more team members caught themselves using “you” or “we” in place of “I” to express their perceptions, hopes, judgments, and irritations.
The litmus test became a simple question, “Do you mean ‘you’ or me?” followed by “Have you done anything about this or stated clearly what you think about the situation?” A deer in the headlights look and then a twinkle in the eye as the realization dawned, “Well, no…..I guess I haven’t.”
Up until now – which I will write about tomorrow.
How choice reduces stress
A stress reduction technique is available right between our ears! Fabulous news! Take time to learn how you can exercise choice in your responses to the day to day stressors you encounter. Reappraise situations. Be ready to take in information that helps you see other possibilities. Imagine a conflict from someone else’s point of view. Consider letting go of long held beliefs that are no longer serving you. Remember that sometimes the anxiety you are feeling is normal when you are faced with the uncertainty of change.
We have the power to engage the “executive function” in our brain and get beyond our built in fight or flight response to stressors.
Kevin Ochsner, “If our emotional responses fundamentally flow out of our interpretations, or appraisals, of the world, and we can change those appraisals, then we have to try and do so. An to not do so, at some level, is rather irresponsible.”
A lesson from improv – say “yes” and……
When we are part of a team, we can think of ourselves as a member of an ensemble. In her book Bossypants, Tina Fey shares lessons from her improvisation training. In improv, when one person sends a piece of the story to a colleague, the other accepts it – they say yes and move the story forward – co-creating the humor by building. My observation of teams does not square with this. Often, the response is some form of “no” and not always for any legitimate reason. If the rule of improv is “say yes” it seems to the rule of business is “say no” or “say nothing.”
Here is an technique that keeps me honest when I am in such a situation.
Make a Discussion Diagram: On a piece of paper draw the people around the table – or indicate with a circle with each person’s initials inside. As people talk make lines that show who initiates, who receives, who affirms, and who refutes. You are making note of how the communication flows when the team is discussing a topic. Make a mental note of who uses inquiry and how they use it, notice when the response is edged with a conflicting tone and when it is more affirming and supportive. Pay attention to your role in the ensemble and the effect you have on the flow and the energy. Take ownership for your responses. Where can you bring the spirit of improv into your team interactions and build ideas? Keep your level of engagement consistent when you are listening as well as when you are talking. The gears will turn in synch and move the discussion forward.
Understand your stress triggers
I spent part of yesterday co-leading a stress management workshop. It is fun topic to talk about and seems to be one that will not wane in relevance. The workshop is based on work by Robert Sapolsky, among others, whose research on Baboon troops in Kenya has yielded significant findings about our own stress response and how, if left unchecked, it can be catastrophic for our health.
I enjoy how this topic focuses us back on our responses and responsibility. When I unravel my own stress responses, so much about how my mind is wired is revealed. My big stress culprits – those internal and thus within my immediate control – never fail to fascinate and frustrate me!
“There is no good nor bad, thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare
A critical tool to managing stress response is to manage the thinking that we do when we are triggered. As Sapolsky jests, no self-respecting Zebra would understand why we fire the same stress hormones in response to public speaking that a Zebra secretes when under fatal attack by a lion. Ruminating on the performance and speculating about others’ reactions sustains the stress response. Prolonged stress results in damaging health conditions.
Live in this moment. Breath – exhale – repeat.
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When we continue to actively engage in our development – we strengthen our Self-Leadership
I apply this sentiment to the personal and professional development activities my clients pursue. Through the process of development we all face revelations about how we are contributing to situations that we do not want. Some of these are more painful and stunning then others. It can be a relief as well. If I contribute to something, I possess a greater capacity to make the desired change. You may notice that this is a theme throughout my blogs. Recently I read a passage that put my philosophy of coaching, consulting and facilitation into sharp focus. All learning is in service of greater self-leadership. Wow, imagine the life you will live when you accept that level of responsibility for how you respond and engage in all aspects of your life – work, play, family, service, and on and on.
When I want a powerful truth moment I ask myself, “What would cause someone to follow me if I am not able to lead my life?” Remove the barriers to self-leadership. Continue the quest for accountability. It is not truly over until you sign (or say) so!
In performance management we see what we look for….
My work with managers and leaders often focuses on performance management dilemmas. It is tough to deliver the news that someone is not meeting expectations or that the attitude they exude is damaging to team dynamics. Performance management continues to be code for “you are not cutting it.” This is an extremely complex subject so, I want to focus on just one element that struck me as I have been reading Nobel Prize winning psychologist, Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow. It is a wonderful book that has caused me to question my decision-making, perception, biases, and general functioning of my faculties of judgment.
Kahneman includes in his book the video that was created by Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris to test selective attention. You can check it out on youtube if you are not among the more than 5 Million people who have seen it. In the video we are asked to look for one specific thing – passes of a basketball by people wearing white shirts. While we are attending to this task – focused on our performance and ability to do it correctly – another image comes into our field of vision. But we do not see it!
I like to use this video when I talk with managers about performance feedback. We tend to see what we look for. As a matter of fact, we are so committed to seeing what we are looking for that we translate whatever it is we see to fit our thinking! So, if we have a negative impression of a direct report it will take a lot for us to see anything else.
Kahneman writes about this from his own experience grading papers. He found that when he graded essay booklets his assessment the first essay in the booklet would influence how he assessed subsequent essays in the booklet. He altered his process to mitigate this “halo effect” distortion in his grading. He was astonished to find that when we read all of the first essays of all each student and was careful to record his grade out of site in the back of the booklet, he felt disoriented and unsure of how he should grade other essays by the same student. He took his cues about assessing the students effort, mastery of the material, and writing abilities from his judgment of the first essay.
The implications of selective attention for each of us significant. If we can be mindful of the shortcuts our brains look for, we can establish processes that require us to apply more cerebral rigor. When we are talking about performance feedback, someone’s job, raise, opportunities can be on the line. We want to make sure we see what is there – not merely a phantom of what we have come to believe and expect.
http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory.html
Power of a Positive “No”
How many of us take on activities, responsibilities, new undertakings, and commitments when our inner-voice is pleading with us to say no? This is a big part of being engaged in life. People are interested in bringing us into things – sometimes to unburden themselves of the over-committed lives they are trying to manage. The idea of a positive “No” was shared by my friend and colleague, Paul Mentag during a call this morning. He referenced a book by Roger Fisher titled The Power of a Positive No. I have not read it – but the title hit the mark for me.
Peter Block talks about the power of “no” in the leader – follower relationship. Until someone can say “no” their “yeses” mean nothing. Without the ability to say no, every yes is little more than acceptance of coercion by others in positions of power.
Create true meaning in your agreements and “yeses” by claiming your ability to give a positive “no” when it is needed. You get to decide the criteria for needing to say no. That is the source of both its power and your integrity.
Honor MLK by continuing the Movement he embodied
Friday I attended Phillips Exeter Academy’s Martin Luther Kind Day programs. The Keynote address was offered by Mr. Vernon Jordan to a full gymnasium of faculty and Exeter students. I felt fortunate to be there, notebook open, and pen poised to record ideas and notes from Mr. Jordan’s presentation. I will not attempt to summarize his address here, I know that I would fall short of doing it justice. I will share two of Mr. Jordan’s requests to the students of Exeter.
Below I paraphrase from my scribbled notes:
Recognize that very little will stand between you and your aspirations and that this is not true for others. This is the first year we will celebrate Martin Luther Kind Day with a statue standing in the nation’s capital. Do not be confused by the 30 foot monument with words etched in stone as though the battles are won which is not the case at all. The best way to honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is to continue the movement. You will be inside the walls of power. Go with our eyes wide-open to injustices created and reinforced from within those walls. If we did so much when we had so little how much more can we do now that we have so much? Understand what can happen when ability meets education and talent meets opportunity. Be part of this movement.
Learn more about Vernon Jordan:
Roaring forward with an Integrated Authentic Life
I listened in on a webcast yesterday that featured Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic and Harvard Business School faculty. The focus was George’s structure of peer support groups, George calls these True North Groups. (I have included links at the end of this post) A fundamental principle of George’s talk was that authentic leaders are the gold standard – at least among many leadership development gurus. The better we know ourselves, the more effective we can be.
Among other things, he talked about crucibles of leadership – those experiences that test and meld us. He referenced people of note who triumphed over adversity and have made significant contributions to society through their leadership.
My personal experiences reflect the power of the crucible metaphor. My coaching work with clients reinforces the transformative potential of crucible experiences. It is not having crucible experiences that strengthens us as leaders. Something must happen within us to transform a crucible experience into a deeper state of authenticity. The transformative element is not changing from one thing to another – as a metallurgist might apply heat and force to shape iron.
More and more I see the transformative process as one of Integration. When we explore our crucible experiences and the lessons, influence, and resilience we developed in response to them, we integrate them into our understanding of who we are. Your crucible experiences are not you, they are however, yours to fully claim and use in your work. In a society that looks at accomplishments and lists achievements on resumes we seldom find space to include the most challenging experiences we have faced in our lives. When we take a courageous step into an integrated authentic life by exploring our crucible experiences, the possibilities are limited only by our desire.
I am developing a workshop to explore and support Integrated Living. Spread the word and let me know if you are interested.
Sources for more on Bill George and Leadership Crucibles:
http://www.billgeorge.org/
http://www.edbatista.com/2009/02/crucible.html
http://govleaders.org/crucible.htm
Some decisions are simple but not without pain
Priorities. This is a HUGE topic with clients. Are we focused on the right things? When a change occurs how do we shift our focus to keep the right things moving? Inherent in discussions of priorities is consideration of values. How clear are we of our priorities? What criteria do we use to establish priorities? Is it an active exercise of ranking among categories or activities? Or are the priorities there and the exercise is becoming clear and accepting of what they are?
Today I am looking at the topic of priorities through the window of a working mom. I wrote about a conference that I was scheduled to attend as a learning participant and community member. My flight would leave in a few hours for Cincinnati and I would be part of a vibrant community of colleagues engaged in discussion with Peter Block, an interesting man whom I have not met, though I have read his books.
Well, I tossed and turned last night about whether or not I should go. My daughter has been sick and clearly needing me to be here – a phone call or Skype would not be the same – no matter how much I wanted to believe it would suffice. The tossing and turning was not about what I should do – it was about accepting that I truly knew what I would do. Let’s just say I am not writing this in an airport.
I think the wrestling matches that we have about priorities escalate when we refuse to see that we know who we are and truly accept that who we are is exactly who we are meant to be. I am not sure if that belief will scale to organizations that are assessing priorities – the complexity is multiplied in those situations. But, I do believe it can help at an individual level – it has for me. A simple decision with a dose of pain and a heap of cuddles.
